Dark Thoughts

I write this in my bed

Sleep has ignored me once again

I've tossed and turned and clutched at him

All has been in vain

So my mind, awake yet tired 

Journeys to the borders of reason 

Plaguing me with horrors and fears

Betraying me to my demons. Such treason 

I think no evil or wrong to the world in general 

But insecurities eat at my being

In the light of the sun I'm confident 

But alone in my mind I'm a cowardly thing

Second guesses and creeping doubts

Buried memories resurface at will

Poking at burns that still tinge 

Opening scabs that should have healed. 

Nothing is off limits. 

My consciousness is my own jail 

For the voices cannot be silenced 

Efforts to ignore yield no bail. 

But over time you come to terms

With the terms of their torment 

And the burns burn no more

You cease to lament 

Only because that which they aim at

The resolve they try to break

Is either already broken

Or has solidified and will not shake 

Despair and victory are similar

When one is weary of the war

All that is sought is rest

The peace known long before 

So whether sleep comes or not

However long my eyes aren't shut 

The sun shall surely rise again

And lift me out if this rut

And I shall be the me I know

The me that lives by day

Dreading the hours of the moon

When my shell shall fade away

And I will stand again

Before the voices of the night

And survive the strain and pain

Until Apollo returns the light

This is where you laugh and see

Surely I've made no mark

All I've said is how I fare

When the sky is dark

But look between the words 

Locate the text's heart and soul

And look into yours if you see

The snow beyond the coal

I will not know. Might just be me

That has the dark intone

But if you do then bear in mind

You are not alone. 

Smile when you can

Bear caution to the air 

Live not like you have life 

But like death is near.